Monday 9:30 pm

Another exciting day...I wasn't here from three to seven so I got my grandmother to fill me in on everything. Brian and Lyle came to visit while I was gone, and apparently he was awake the whole time, talking and telling stories. He ate some sorbet, vanilla ice cream, and drank a big diet pepsi while they were here. When I got back here around 7:30, he was pretty worn out from his visitors. Spike came back over along with Tom and Penny Graf, and they're still here now. He has been in and out of rationality all night, but mostly out. We cut back on his morphine to 5mg like I said we would. As a result, he's been "with us" more instead of being sleeping all day. Since I wasn't here to experience the full effect, I'm trusting my grandmother in that he was pretty lively and active.

He's pretty confused at the moment- mixing names and faces, and his short-term memory seems to be fading. (For instance, he would say hello to someone and then five minutes later wake up and act like he was seeing him for the first time.) We're all about to go to sleep pretty soon, and it looks as if he's done for the night. I may be going to school a few days this week, so I apologize if the updates are a little more spread out. By the way, my dad's birthday is tomorrow, so be sure to say happy birthday if you come to visit.

Monday 12:30 pm

Last night at six and ten o'clock, we cut his meds in half to see if it would make a difference. He was having more rational thoughts and conversations, and even called his mom to wish her a happy mothers day. He slept throughout the night after receiving a full dose, not waking up once. Although he didn't wake up, we (and the nurse) could hear a lot of congestion in his lungs so she gave him an in-between dose to clear it up a little (he usually gets his meds every four hours). The congestion seems to accumulate in his chest at night rather than during the day. This morning, we asked the nurse to lower his morphine to see if he really needs so much, but she had already given him his normal amount by then. When he's due next, we will experiment by giving him less morphine; maybe he will be more alive and awake. Not much has changed up until now, except we moved him out of bed into a chair. He's not very responsive or coherent because of the drugs, but he can at least recognize his visitors for a few seconds. I'll put another update up later today with the outcome of the smaller dose.

Visitors this morning: Tom Graf, Joe T, Mary Ellen Taylor, Jack Taylor, Ed Taylor, Reggie

Sunday 7:30 pm

He's been pretty sleepy the whole day, but woke up a few times for visitors. Earlier this morning, Drew, Spike, Tom, and Mark came over to see him (I wasn't here so i'm not sure how coherent he was. When I got here, he was already asleep). Anyways, throughout the day, he's had some mashed potatoes, vanilla ice cream, and drank some water and a little bit of milk. His appetite has been pretty consistent which is good. His breathing still seems comfortable, and they gave him something to drain some of the fluid in his lungs. He's remained stable today; he hasn't tried to get out of bed at all. It doesn't look like he's going anywhere anytime soon. I guess we'll play it by ear...

Visitors today: Drew (pappy), Mark, Spike (thank you for traveling all the way from Washington my dad is blown away that you came), Tom Graf, Chris Brown and his father, Matt, Max and Bob Kantz

Sunday 12:00 pm

He slept the whole night, not waking up once. They gave him the third medication around 10:00pm to make sure he would sleep well (haldol). Ever since then, he's pretty much been out. Every now and then, he will open his eyes for a minute, but then fall right back asleep. As far as breathing goes, he looks pretty comfortable, but the congestion in his lungs is getting worse. A friend of mine, Michael Gallagher, gave me holy water to give to him that his mom brought back from Lourdes, France, so we'll see if that helps with anything. A few visitors are coming today (one coming from Washington state), but there's nothing too exciting planned. Keep the pictures and stories coming. Thanks.

Saturday 6:30 pm

He's had a pretty big day today. We put an extension on his oxygen so we could roll him outside in a chair for the afternoon. A bunch of family and friends came to visit, and we all sat around him and ate lunch. He was awake most of the time, but got worn out by the sun about halfway through. He ate a brownie and finished about half of a mango gelati from Ritas. He's still on the same medications and seems pretty content (10mg of morphine and 4mg of ativan). After most of the people cleared out, more came to visit. At that point, he was sound asleep in his chair. He then out of the blue woke up with a stream of consciousness. He was pronouncing his words, and held up a good amount conversations with us for about an hour (he was actually making sense). The sun wore him out, so I'm sure he will be sleeping the rest of the night. I wont be around for some of the night so I'll probably put up another update around midnight or so. Keep the stories and pictures coming (amp32611@aim.com). A bunch of new ones have been added to the album.

Visitors today: Kathy and Steve Weidner, Marisa and Randy Depaulis, Drew and Pam Brancati, George and Patty, Mike and Carrie, Tom Graf, Joe T, and most of my family.

Saturday 11:00 am

He slept from six to eleven, occasionally opening his eyes. Before he went to sleep, he ate a brownie and drank a carton of milk, which is good considering he still has an appetite. Around midnight, he became a little agitated and confused, so they started him back on his third medicine (haldol). Finally, around two in the morning, he went to sleep and slept throughout the night. This morning, he woke up in a more comfortable mood, and surprisingly was still responsive. He responds mostly to music- he can still name titles of songs. His breathing is easy, and his congestion is still about the same. His conversations are pretty irrational; it's pretty evident that he's in another world. He can still recognize visitors and greet them, but after those few seconds, he drifts back into his dream world. The nurses say that this is common, and that he's "reliving his life" in what's called his "life review", which apparently happens to everyone as part of the dying process. We're going to move him out of his bed in a few minutes into a chair so that we can wheel him around outside. So far today, he's had a pancake, a frappuccino, and a carton of milk.We expect a lot of visitors today (there's already 7 now). Keep sending pictures and stories if you have them. Thanks.

Visitors yesterday: Cindy and Leslie, Tom and Penny Graf
Visitors so far today: Family, Drew and Pam, Joe T, Tom Graf

Friday 6:00 pm

He's pretty much the same as described earlier- comfortable and fairly social. He took a nap for a couple of hours and woke up a little more refreshed. He's been talking to everyone, and even kept up conversations with most of his visitors. He ate some chicken salad a few minutes ago along with chocolate ice cream and jello. We're still going with 10mg of morphine, but we increased his anxiety medicine to 4mg instead of two due to some emotional distress. I've been receiving emails from some of his friends with pictures and stories, and if you haven't seen already, I've created a photo album which is placed on the top-right hand side of the page. I'm working on adding a link where people can post stories without emailing them to me, but in the meantime, just send them to me along with pictures if you have them (amp32611@aim.com). We don't have much planned for this evening, so feel free to come visit.

Some pictures from college...

On the right hand side, there's a link to a photo album of all of the pictures I've received so far of my dad, so check it out if you get a chance. Keep sending me stories and pictures if you have any (amp32611@aim.com).

Friday 11:00 am

Last night, we decided to experiment by lowering his morphine from 15mg to 10mg to see if he would still be comfortable, because with 15mg he was completely out of it. As a result of that, he was awake from 1:00am to 3:30, talking and cracking jokes once again. He was talking to us about making phone calls, working, making sales, reptiles, Pontiac GTOs, weasels, tattoos, dog races and more (most of the stuff he was talking about made no sense). Before he would say something, he'd say, "I'll tell you what". Drew explained to him that he and my mom had been sleeping there with him all night, and he replied, "I might have to leave town". You don't know what you're going to get with him; he's very unpredictable. We're going to keep his morphine dosage at 10mg because he's not in any pain and seems very happy. He's been having conversations with us all throughout the day so far, but frequently hallucinating and reaching out into space. He drank some water, and is hungry for breakfast. He's singing again. Things are turning around for him once again. Feel free to come visit. If you have any good/funny pictures of my dad, feel free to email them to me (amp32611@aim.com). If they're not digital, either bring them in or take a digital photo of the picture/pictures. Also, any stories you'd like to share about him you can send to my email or post as a comment. Thanks.

Thursday Night 12:00 am

Again, there hasn't been too much going on since last updated. He continued sleeping for the majority of the evening, and would sometimes but rarely pipe in on a conversation every once in a while. The good nurse is off for the next four days, so we're hoping for another good one tomorrow. The bad nurse mentioned in earlier posts is now restricted from taking care of my dad, after evidently giving him more medication than he needed, wasting a full day of his remaining life. In lowering the medications today, we have received a little more life out of him, though nothing remarkable; We got a few responses, and some body gestures showing that he heard us.

If some of you reading this haven't visited Gilchrist already and want a mental image, I can briefly describe it. It's luxurious, and surprisingly free, run off of donations and charity fundraisers. His room has a flat-screen tv, a pullout chair that I've been sleeping on for the past 6 nights, two doors with a courtyard outside, and most importantly, it's covered with pictures of him, his friends, and family, ranging from when he was 17 to 54, bringing out happy memories. It's probably the best place where somebody could end their life, especially with the weather we've been given in the past week. Everyone's been coming by to share they're stories about my dad, from childhood friends to college roommates to coworkers. The immediate family has mostly been here the whole time and we've received a lot of support and appreciate it. He has already fought out seven days, which was originally supposed to be less than that, but we don't know how much longer he could have. That' s all there really is to tell right now.

Visitors today- Carrie, Joe T, Rob, Barb and Tom, Drew (pappy), Tom and Penny Graf, George, Joe Hart (chaplin), Drew's friends Preze, Brandon, Lucas, and Casey, and the usual family (my dad's mom, my mom, and drew)

Thursday 6:00 pm

We've discovered that he doesn't need as much medicine as he's been given in the past day. With our 'good' nurse, we have lightened up on the drugs, and through that, he's been talking and waking up a little more, hardly ever lucid messages though. If he does wake up, he just says "hey alex" or "hey mom" and then drifts off to sleep again. His breathing and congestion have pretty much remained the same. He had a moderately high fever throughout the day. A tylenol injection was given to him, lowering his fever down to a 99.5. Barb, my mom, and a few others went to Rucks funeral home this afternoon to pre-arrange the service for whenever the day comes. As far as I'm concerned, there could potentially be a service in Wilmington DE along with one here in Towson (the service in Towson is definite). He hasn't had anything to eat or drink today, mostly due to the fact that he's been too out of it to even acknowledge the fact that he's hungry or thirsty. He's calm and not showing any signs of anxiety or restlessness. For now, we're going to let him sleep and we'll enjoy every moment that he's awake. We're expecting a few visitors tonight- probably just the usuals.

Thursday 3:00 pm

He's been in the same position since last night. Every now and then, but barely ever, he will open his eyes and close them real quick. He hasn't been talking, but he looks comfortable asleep. He's breathing fairly easily, so we're planning on holding back on some of the meds in hope to see some life from him. That's really all that's happened today; nothing too exciting. Drew's friends from Boys' Latin came by and gave him a poster in support from his class.

Since my dad's admission here, he has tremendously brought our family and friends together. Ironically, my grandmother was looking at today's newspaper, and my dad's horoscope read, "You are unknowingly working with others to bring about a wonderful happening. By going where the energy moves you, you wind up in the perfect place, doing the perfect thing".

Wednesday 11:00pm

He's been sleeping all day since the medications have been increased. He opened his eyes a couple of times, but didn't say too much. The nurse earlier today was overly pessimistic on his situation. We were brought a new nurse around 5:00 and she will be with us all night. She agreed in that they gave him too much medicine to sedate him earlier, and that it was unnecessary to induce him so strongly with drugs for the sole purpose in keeping him relaxed. Because of it, he's been out cold the whole day. Anyways, they increased his morphine from 10mg to 15mg, and they will probably remain at that dosage unless more is needed. His lung capacity is decreasing and fluid is beginning to accumulate in his chest. Our new nurse tonight also told us, contradicting the previous one, that there is still a chance that he will have days where he is awake and talking. She told us not to be too confident though, for he could stay like this until the end; but nobody knows. As you all know, he's been surprising every one for the past week. Every doctor has a different story, so we will play it hour by hour, day by day.

Visitors today: Tom Graf, Joe T, Joey Bucci, Lucas, Penny, George, and Drew (Pappy) along with the immediate family.

Wednesday 3:00 pm

Times have changed a little since 9am. They increased his morphine by double the dosage, and he's been asleep since his state of agitation earlier this morning. We've been told how this is part of the process of dying, and probably from now on he will be asleep 95% of the time; but we are advised to keep talking to him because apparently he can still here us. In an earlier post, I said for visitors to keep coming; with this new information, we're now told to limit the visitors to only family and close friends; sorry. If you haven't seen him yet and really would like to before the end, that's fine as long as its brief and quiet. We aren't expecting any more elaborate responses, guitar playing, singing, or stand up comedy from him anymore. The next step is to eventually go into a drug-induced coma, where he won't be able to respond anymore, but once again will be able to hear us. He's peacefully asleep now, and it looks like it might stay that way for a while.

Wednesday 9:00 am

Today, he was very "with it" when he woke up. He was having normal conversations with us all, and overall he sounded pretty good. He wanted to get out of bed; He even tried to stand up several times. This probably had a little bit to do with the anxiety medicine wearing off, causing him to be moderately restless and confused. He wanted to really just get out, as he said a dozen times. We called in the nurse to ask if he could stand up or maybe take his own shower, but she said to let him sleep, so she gave him more medicine and took us outside to talk. She explained that the last few days have been blessings, and we might start noticing some changes in the near future. For everyone who hasn't been keeping track of this whole situation, Drew and I took him into the hospital last thursday, and we were told the next day that he maybe had a day or two. As you can see, he has already fought out 6 with no problem, but apparently a turning point is right around the corner (although nobody can see that except for the nurse). He is losing blood in his feet, which is a sign of him getting closer to the end. His breathing is getting worse, and the congestion in his lungs is accumulating, making him cough more.

Although he would walk out of here in a heartbeat, they won't let him, and in stopping him, they increase all of his medications. He's really uncomfortable and let down that they have to increase his medications in order for him to relax. For future visitors, the nurse told us not to get him as excited as we have been in the past. He needs a little bit more quiet, and less excitement to keep him comfortable and not so anxious. If you do choose to come, which is completely acceptable and wanted, don't ask too many questions that require him to answer, especially if they make him think (Ex: how are you doing- just tell him he looks good). We're trying to avoid any increase in his anxiety, because as a first hand witness it's painful to watch his suffering in constantly being denied from leaving his bed. Don't let this post stop you from visiting him; this is only a forewarning of what to expect and what isn't advisable. Thanks everybody. There's a link underneath labeled "comments" so feel free to leave a comment if you'd like.

Tuesday Night

Since the last update, we haven't done too much. He's been listening to his Beatles playlist (and singing) since 10am this morning. We just ate dinner outside and wheeled him to the door so that he
could be a part of it. He's still a little groggy and tired from the huge amounts of morphine, but funny when awake and talking. Tom Graf came back over around 9 to visit. My dad was thrilled to see him although he's been here about a dozen times already. He's been pretty awake the past hour and has been holding good, funny conversations. Sometimes he will talk about something completely off topic, something that flat out makes no sense at all; but he keeps people laughing. I got him to eat tonight; I went to Starbucks and got him a frapuccino. He drank that along with a piece of Drew's graduation cake. Every now and then, he will start to sit up at the end of his bed and say, "lets get outta here. im checking out".

As he said earlier, "Im gonna keep truckin", and we believe it. The nurses say they haven't seen such a fun-loving patient. He continues to constantly smile and crack jokes; even on his death bed. Everyone is enjoying their time with him. His breathing is getting progressively worse, but this is probably the best way that somebody could go; and he's comfortable and that's what is important. It could be a matter of minutes, hours, or days as i said earlier. That's all for now. Up above are pictures from Drew's early graduation ceremony on Saturday. (For everyone who wasn't there or didn't hear about it, BL came to Gilchrist to give Drew his high school diploma early so he could see it.)

Tuesday

Today's been really good. So far, he has eaton some of a breakfast sandwich, chocolate and strawberry ice cream, a cookie, and a ham and cheese sandwich. (Pappy- they brought him pepper-egg for lunch). The visitors today so far are as follows: Carrie, Linda (Tradesman), Rich (Tradesman), Joey, Jack Taylor, Tom Graf, and the usual family. He watched some TV in the morning (5 worst wipeouts), followed by about an hour nap. Tom brought over some speakers this morning to hook up the MP3 player to, so we've been playing Beatles, Allman Brothers, Grateful Dead...etc. through the room all day. The music woke him right up out of his deep sleep. He was completely lucid and comprehendible, and he even held a conversation with us all for about an hour. He played a little bit of guitar, but more importantly blessed us with his beautiful singing voice.

The social worker came in today and pointed out that his inner strength is incredible, which explains why he's already lasted so long with such positive results. She said that if we were to put his situation into someone else's body, they would have been gone a long time ago. He is staying strong for everyone, and he's really happy to see everybody. Keep visiting; he loves it. A source of his unhappiness before Gilchrist was how lonely he was. Since he's been here, he's had endless visitors and it really makes a difference to him, whether he's 'with it' or not. At the moment, he's taking a little nap. We don't know how long he has, minutes, hours, days, weeks...nobody knows. We were told that sometimes the patient will just nosedive right after a period of time where he seems to almost be getting better.

It's 6 o clock now, and he's probably exhausted from being up for so long. That's it for now. If you didn't realize by now, it's Alex making these posts; Tom set me up with this website this morning so I can keep everyone updated even if they can't come and visit.

Monday recap

Hey everybody. Yesterday, as most of you know, my dad had a jam session with Kevin and Mimi. He was singing and playing the guitar, laughing, and talking very lucid. After that, he was exhausted so he took a litle nap. Before he knew it, there were another fifteen people in the room. When everyone left, he ate for the first time in a while, and started going to bed. He didn't cough once throughout the night, and he woke up one time to get a breakthrough dosage of morphine. He slept well next to my mom in his bed, with Drew and I at his sides. Every day is a blessing